Delayed Realizations
by LysCat
Summary: During the course of their association, thoughts of Elijah have taunted Elena; until one night she finally gathers the nerve to ask him the one question that has plagued her thoughts.


Title: Delayed Realizations  
Author: Alysia  
Couple: Elejah  
Summary: During the course of their association, thoughts of Elijah have taunted Elena; until one night she finally gathers the nerve to ask him the one question that has plagued her thoughts.  
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters familiar to the show.  
Author's Note: I'm not sure what I hope to achieve with this. For those of you that have been following my multi-chaptered story, I have hit a small speed bump; as this idea will not leave me alone. I will continue posting new chapters for 'About That Time…' but I needed to get this written and out of my system. I only plan for this to be two parts. Also I've taken liberties with certain aspects of season 4.

* * *

Part I

"…it's a mistake I won't make again."

Spellbound by the intensity of his expression as he stared down at her; she couldn't look away from him. His normally piercing gaze was all consuming and for a brief moment, it felt as if he was staring through her. It wasn't the first time that she'd caught him watching her since their first introduction, but she'd never thought much on it, nor had she ever reacted in such a way.

Unfortunately, Elijah had not been the first person to look at her as though studying her. It had happen with Stefan, it happened with Damon. Every so often, she'd catch them watching her, as if mentally cataloguing the differences between herself and her predecessor.

Yet, the look on his face in that moment held far more emotion than she had ever seen. There was a near desperateness in them, and she was left breathless under his keen gaze. She couldn't help but wonder if his words were more for his benefit than her own.

Even from the first moment that she'd met him, she'd been unable to deny how attractive he was. However, that immediate thought was swallowed by her fear and unease where he was concerned. Since then, she'd mostly felt unsettled whenever in his presence; and whatever initial attraction she'd felt to him was easily overshadowed. That was, until that very moment; when she struck by his allure.

How long it took for him to break their staring match, she didn't know; but she was both relieved and disappointed. She couldn't deny the stirring of…desire…fascination…temptation… No, she should not be feeling those things. She had a boyfriend, a wonderful partner, who she deeply cared for. Not only did she have Stefan, but Elijah held no interest in her what-so-ever; at least not as anything more than a mean's to an end.

But knowing all that didn't stop her next thought…

Would he ever be able to look at her and see her, not Katherine?

She didn't know why; but she wanted him to see her as Elena, not as a girl who simply wore the same face as Katherine.

* * *

_Elena,_

_Today I did things that I abhor to protect the one thing I value most, my family. If anyone can understand that, it's you. Your passion is a gift, Elena, carry it with your as I will carry my regret._

_Always and Forever,_

_Elijah_

She'd lost count of how many times she'd read the letter. It was swiftly branded into her memory. Even after her transition, she'd looked on it during rare moments of solitude. When Damon and Stefan were too busy arguing over whose way was better, when she silently struggled with…everything.

His letter, his words, both comforted and taunted her.

How she managed to completely lose herself after her transition was still a mystery to her. She'd thought that when a person changed, certain traits were magnified; however, she'd completely altered. She became a stranger to even herself. She struggled to overcome the blood lust and the overwhelming emotions, and sometimes it felt like they could swallow her whole. Yet she could look on his letter and for one brief moment, she would feel like herself again. It didn't matter how long the sensation lasted, because it was enough to force her to stop and breathe…and suddenly everything wouldn't seem as bad.

She hadn't breathed a word to anyone about the letter that Elijah had written her. She wasn't sure why, but she liked having something just between them. Over the time that she had come to know Elijah, they'd gone from former enemies, to tentative friends. He'd crossed her mind more than once during his absence from Mystic Falls.

And after her transition, she'd wondered why he didn't come back. She wasn't even sure why the thought crossed her mind, but it had. She'd had no desire to become a vampire, and he understood that. Before the night of the sacrifice, he'd offered her an elixir that would bring her back to life. While she hadn't been able to use it, the gesture spoke volumes. He'd saved her from Rebekah the night that his angry sister held her against her car with the intent to kill her. He left Mystic Falls, ready to spend the following however many years on the run so she could live out her human life. Maybe that was why she was surprised he'd never returned to see her after her change?

And the way that he'd ended the letter, always and forever. What did it mean? How did he mean it? She'd often heard him refer to his siblings with the same words. Did that mean that he held her to a similar regard? Elijah was never one to use words lightly. His words always held meaning, and what he left unsaid often held importance as well. Or perhaps his words were a polite way to bid her goodbye? She hadn't seen him since the night he led her into the cave, leaving her to his sister. Maybe he didn't anticipate seeing her ever again?

They were friends, yes; but distant ones. Obviously Elijah didn't think on her nearly the same way she did him; both in intensity and continuance.

How had that even happened? It wasn't as if she spent hours of her days dedicated to the thought of the Original; but she couldn't deny the fact that his face would creep into her thoughts. Gestures, conversations, facial expressions…they all seemed to bite at her. Even after her humanity had ceased, thoughts of Elijah bit into her thoughts.

And as she met him again for the first time since her change, she felt something stir in her chest; despite the fact that her humanity had been shut off. It hadn't been strong by any means, but she'd felt it all the same. When he'd kissed her, she'd been surprised by the tenderness of his touch. She found herself responding to him and enjoying it as well; ignoring the niggling thought that such lovingness was meant for someone else.

And when he discovered her identity, she'd been more humiliated than worried when she saw truth dawn across his features; his eyes darkening in annoyance and concern…for someone else. His threats of harming her fell on deaf ears because she knew he wouldn't touch her; and he'd known it as well.

Yet by that time, her walls had been erected. She spoke without an ounce of caring as she called him on his actions and words. She kept her face void of emotion as she chastised him for falling into Katherine's trap. She'd never admit it to another soul, but she felt a sliver of bitterness over the fact that he'd reunited with her sensual counterpart. No, she hid it behind the disappointment she felt in him, something she didn't bother to tuck away.

"I thought you said the letter burned?"

The voice pulled her from her thoughts and she turned to see Elijah standing over the back of the couch, staring at the letter he'd written so many months ago. Not bothering to hide the offending evidence, she shrugged. He, by then, no doubt, obviously noticed the wear and tear that came from multiple readings.

"And I thought you said you'd never make the mistake of falling for a Petrova again?" She asked in a bored tone.

"I did say that, didn't I?" He asked as he moved around the furniture and claimed a seat in the living chair across from her. "I suppose I meant it…at the time."

"Just like that, huh?" She asked with a smirk on her face. Tilting her head, her eyes traveled down the length of his body before moving back up, studying each and every feature she could distinguish with her perfect eyesight. "So…you and Katherine…" When his gaze dropped away from hers, her shoulders slumped. "And why didn't she return to Mystic Falls with her lover, I wonder?"

Again, she wondered if he'd ever be able to look at her and see her? Would he ever feel something even remotely more than friendly towards her or had all of her actions against him, his family, ruined that? Would she ever be able to evoke so much emotion from him?

"Apparently Katherine had an ulterior motive," he admitted in a firm tone.

She felt the sensation to gloat, but held back. Based on the tone of his voice, she knew she wouldn't get anything more out of him, at least where Katherine was concerned.

"You look decidedly self-assured, Elena," he observed tightly.

Without her humanity holding her back, she had no reason to deny his words. "I guess I am." Why members of the opposite sex couldn't see Katherine as she did, she didn't understand. Even Stefan and Damon were lost to her wiles, despite their denials. She'd seen the way the first doppelganger could wrap both brothers around her finger, disproving their protestations. "I thought you would have known better," she chided. "Stefan and Damon, I understand, she created Stefan and he turned Damon. I get that the three had their whole love affair thing, but you…" she trailed off, unable to find the words.

"I could say the same about you," he retorted. "You saw the way Katherine got between them, yet it didn't stop you from becoming involved with both of them."

Elena shrugged. "You're right," she admitted. "I guess having one's humanity turned off is a blessing. I can look back to a situation and see things from a different angle, without those annoying emotions getting in the way."

"Your emotions weren't shut off, Elena," Elijah broke in then. "They are simply muted." It was impossible to turn one's emotions off, there was always a trigger; always something that could bring it rushing back.

"Whatever they are, it's a relief," she waved away.

"And what does that mean?"

"It means that my feelings for Stefan and Damon are rooted more in disappointment right now than anything else; disappointment for them, in them…in me…"

He took a moment to ponder her words. He never thought he'd heard her say such a thing about her precious Salvatore brothers. The three had always seemed to share a closeness, an understanding that often left others feeling like outsiders.

"Why did you lie about the letter?" Elijah asked, changing the subject then.

Considering his question, she pursed her lips as she fingered the piece of paper in her hands. The truth was, the object was never far from her person. Considering that it was one of the only things that was able to bring calm to her most unsettling emotions, she kept it near her at all times. Even after losing Jeremy, losing her home and the death of her former self, she couldn't bring herself to part with it.

"I wanted to hurt you," she admitted without an air of apology to follow. "Our conversation, the way you spoke to me…it made me mad. You looked at me with pity, like I was a broken piece of glass that needed to be mended." She wasn't broken. She wasn't sure what she was, but it wasn't broken! Shaking her head, she let out a humorless chuckle. "You know, it's funny. I always thought that you and I had an understanding, but then you left without a word. And when I see you again, you're with her, though it went against everything you once said to me…" Honestly, it hurt to think of Elijah with Katherine.

"I left you because I thought I was doing the right thing, for you, for everyone." Didn't she understand that?

"It doesn't matter anymore, does it?" Whatever happened had happened, and there was no way to go back and change it. He'd made his decisions and she'd made hers. "Why didn't you come back after you found out about my transformation?" He'd told her that Katherine was the one to tell him about her change, why hadn't he at least contacted her then?

Why? Because he'd been consumed with guilt. He'd felt a deep sense of disappointment because despite his intentions, she'd lost her mortal life anyway. He almost had returned to Mystic Falls, but then he'd remembered her support system. She didn't need him. "You had Stefan and Damon…your friends. I figured that since you didn't tell me directly, that you didn't think much on me to know."

She shook her head. And she'd thought that Klaus or Rebekah would have told him what had happened in Mystic Falls since his departure. "I guess I expected that at least Rebekah would have kept you up to date on all the happenings since your departure. I mean siblings generally speak on the phone…"

"It's not uncommon for months to go by before my siblings and I speak."

"Apparently," she muttered. Growing uncomfortable with their conversation, she let out a sigh before standing up. "Well, this day…trip ended up being an entire bust." She hesitated as she considered the recent revelations. Katherine and Elijah had been working together, and Katherine had the cure, so did that mean he had gotten it from her? "Did you at least get what you wanted from her?"

He arched an eyebrow in response. "You mean the cure?" She nodded once. "Why? You want to take it?"

Shaking her head. "No."

Her reply shocked him. For someone who hadn't had the desire to change, she dismissed her chance of turning back very quickly.

"And please don't go advertising that to people." The last thing she needed was for Stefan or Damon to find out, try to take it from him and then shove it down her throat. Without one last look in his direction, she turned towards the bedrooms, not bothering to tell him when Rebekah would be back.

* * *

"You're leaving…"

Elijah nodded. "I am."

"Going off with Katherine, are you?" She should have known that their spat wouldn't have lasted. Katherine could manipulate the best of them…and obviously had.

He briefly wondered about the affixation Elena held where Katherine was concerned; but he knew that even if he voiced it, she wouldn't answer him. Shaking his head, he denied her supposition. "Actually, I've been doing some thinking these past couple weeks, and I've come to the realization that some of this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't left when I did."

If he'd stayed in Mystic Falls to begin with, he would have been able to keep a better eye on his siblings. It would have been self-centered of him to say that he could have prevented so many things by just remaining in town. However he couldn't deny the thought that a few things would have been different had he stayed that night. Or, at the very least, he should have made Rebekah and Kol leave before his own exit.

She thought on his words. "You don't know that," she denied with a shake of her head.

"No, not for certain," he allowed, "but things would have been different." If he hadn't been so anxious to run away, if he hadn't pushed his siblings away, if only he hadn't allowed himself to be swayed by others… "I put myself above my family and everything went to hell." He should have returned to Mystic Falls when Kol called him. Instead, he chalked his brother's concerns up to pettiness. They'd only been reunited for a couple months and their squabbling had tested his patience. "Rebekah and Nicklaus are all I have left." Had he wanted to take Katherine up on her offer? Of course he had. "I waited five hundred years to find the woman I had fallen in love with. If she truly feels as much for me as she claims to, she will wait for me. Right now, I need to take care of my siblings."

"So this is it then?" He was leaving…again. "You can't even look at me, Elijah," she whispered. Stepping closer to him, she silently pleaded with him to give her something…anything.

"My siblings will join me when this situation is settled. Make sure that before Rebekah leaves, you get my number from her," he told her, void of any emotion.

Shaking her head, she sighed and asked him the question that had been taunting her thoughts since the afternoon they spent together at the Lockwood mansion. "Is there…do you think there might ever be a time when you look at me without seeing her?" How had she gotten to this place? When was it that her feelings for the man before her consumed her in such a way?

His head whipped around to look at her in the span of a millisecond. For a moment, he was at a loss when he noticed the pain clearly etched across her face. He didn't think about their past transgressions against each other. They had both let the other down; in one way or another. They'd both lied and acted against the other. She was the one responsible for Kol's death, and while he still felt a sting of betrayal where she was concerned, none of it meant anything in that second.

In that moment in time, she was more open, vulnerable than she had ever been with him. She hadn't said a word acknowledging it, but she was placing all of her faith in him. Why, he didn't know. He didn't know what exactly it was she was looking for, but he knew in that instant that he was going to be responsible for shattering it...her.

"I'm sorry, Elena. I…I cannot. It hurts too much to even look at you right now, let alone think…"

Her breath was ripped from her, and waves of despair crashed over her. "No," she denied in a hoarse whisper. "I shouldn't have…" She shouldn't have asked, she shouldn't have even entertained the thought in the first place.

"I'm sorry, Elena," he apologized again. For what, he didn't know. Was it because he knew he had just broken something between them? Maybe. Or was it because he was about to leave her to handle a situation that could possibly mean the death of many? Maybe it was both? But before he could consider his reasoning behind his words, he bid her a soft farewell before turning away and disappearing into the night.

* * *

So

So, what do you guys think?


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